No! No! No more snow!

Not so much a blog post as a tirade. I have tried to write a rational, reasonable post about recent weather, but, since the weather is being neither rational nor reasonable, why should I be? Thanks also to the weather, there will be no photographs (see note 1 below). If you don’t like rants I suggest you leave now.

Q1: Have I worked in the garden nearly all day, nearly every day for nearly five weeks without a complaint?
A1: Yes, yes, yes … and no.

Q2: Have I cleared all the weeds from Wisley (see note 2)?
A2: Indeed you have.

Q3: Did I split the phlomis into lots of bits and plant it in drifts in the aforementioned Wisley and did it look a treat?
A3: Yes and yes … and yes.

Q4: Did I move loads of lupins from the nursery, even though they were getting a bit big, to self-same Wisley, without killing a single one?
A4: You did indeed, O Wondrous One, although that one on the right doesn’t look too happy.

Q5: Were the honesty, astilbe, verbena bonariensis (AKA as Argentina by The Womble), verbascum, clematis Ernest Markham, flag irises, aquilegia and two rose bushes that I planted growing well or were they not?
A5: Get to the point, woman!

Q6: Did I not drag wheelbarrowsful of manure from the orchard track to give them a good start?
A6: It was only just the other side of the hedge, but yes you did.

Q7: And did I not plant innumerable artemesia babies in drifts throughout the Herb Circle (see Note 3)?
A7: Yup.

Q8: … And water them every evening for days and days and …
A8: Yes!!!

Q9: Which reminds me: didn’t I carry water from the water butt, all through the herb circle and up those steps to Wisley umpteen times for the new plants?
A9: S’pose so. (yawns)

Q10: And didn’t I weed the southern sector of the Herb Circle to within an inch of its chickweedy life then tastefully plant up with swathes of artemesia, solidago, bouillon blanc (verbascum), saponaria, bronze fennel, nepeta, angeli…..
A10: You did, you did, you did. It all looks lovely. What IS your point?

Rant 1: My point, Sir, is that, while I was doing all this work, the weather was getting hotter and hotter and drier and drier and the plants were growing faster and faster in the sun and drooping faster and faster in the drought and the water butts were getting emptier and emptier and it was only blasted April, for crying out loud!

Q11: And do you know what happened then?
A11: Earthquake? Volcanic ash cloud? You broke a nail polishing your halo?

Rant 2: Watch it, Smarty Pants! What happened next was – it snowed. It’s May and it snowed! Ten inches of the horrible stuff. I did all that work in Wisley and the herb circle, and bits in the kitchen terrace, not to mention the potager and all those strawberry plants I transplanted. I’ve got asparagus freezing their tips off, I had lilac blossom for the very first time, my very first apricots just forming, pears ditto, Victoria and Quetsche d’Alsace plums likewise, I have a greenhouse full of plants bursting to be planted. I could go on …
Rantee: (aside) I thought you were.
Ranter: It is just so unfair.
Rantee: No-one …
Ranter: Do not tell me that no-one said life was going to be fair. I know that. I know snow is an insulator. I know most things will be fine, next year if not this year. I know that by July I won’t be able to tell the difference….
Rantee: That’s good …
Ranter: SHUT UP! This is MY blog, MY garden, MY rant and it’s NOT BLOODY FAIR!

End of rant. You can all come out from behind the sofa now.

Epilogue:
Ranter: That was quite cathartic.
Rantee: You’ve gone a funny colour.
Ranter: Put the kettle on, there’s a love.
Rantee: There’s some of those custard creams left that Jane sent you, the ones she calls ‘those awful biscuits’.
Ranter: She’s Irish, she doesn’t understand these things.
Rantee: Here’s your tea.
Ranter: Aaa…rrr…hhh.

Notes:
1. Thanks to the dreadful weather the phone reception is awful and I can’t upload photos.
2. Wisley is an 18m by 12m rectangular garden inspired by, but unfortunately looking nothing like, the long walk at RHS Wisley, the one that goes up the hill to the statue. In reality it is a lawn surrounded by herbaceous borders, but it does look very pretty in summer when it overflows with colour.
3. The Herb Circle is 16m in diameter, comprising a 6m inner circle, a circular path and an outer ring. It is predominantly herbs, although I do cheat a bit occasionally.

4. Please note that no ear-drums were perforated in the making of this blog.

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10 responses to “No! No! No more snow!

  1. Ohhhhhh Noooooo!
    I can’t believe it, snooooow!
    Always good to get it off your chest.

  2. Oh Gilly! My heart goes out to you. You have kind of exhausted every comforting angle so I will just say that all your work was most probably in vain, and all your plants will most probably die x

  3. “Oh dear” seems such an understatement. My friend who lives on top of a mountain in the Cantal has also just had snow but only a smattering. It’s a bit nippy here mind… and there was me thinking the hotwater bottle season was nearly over.

  4. Did I detect you might just have lost it there Gilly?

  5. It just isn’t fair. Snow in May should be forbidden. Unfortunately, the weather gremlins delight in giving us glimpses of summer only to turn around and shock us with cold, snow and freezing temperatures. The ‘snow-as-insulator’ argument wears thin with me while I watch the white stuff fall.

    That was a good rant. I hope your colour has returned to its normal state and that the sun will soon make an appearance and the world will be green again.

  6. Hi Gillian………. I know and I DO understand; even though we live underneath you so to speak( some 300 meters below you I thnk?)
    we have had a similar expereince this week. However our situation can hardly be said to be on the same planet as yours. You work so hard on your stuning garden, whereas mine is a project not even in the planning………just plants dug in on a whim and I have to say some of them form you.
    pehps next year yopu and I will both remember Saint d’Glace ….11,12,13 May .apparently no repectable gardener would plant before then! But after all be are English and will try anything.
    Peta

  7. isn’t it wonderful when you’ve got a blog to let off steam on. – just look at what you’ve achieved, and (no consolation to you) thank goodness it’s not a client ranting at you, just a ranter and rantee

  8. Three years later and I’m chuckling… at the rant, not the reason.

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